Blarg.
Saturday, January 5, 2013 at 08:30PM To speak up or not to speak up…that was the question.
I don’t like confrontation. Never have. I’ve discovered, though, that if it has something to do with my boys, you’d best be wary. That whole “mama bear” thing? Yeah. Watch out. Parenting is enough to nudge me out of my comfort zone in a hurry.
So. Here’s the situation in a (longish) nutshell…
The one-day-a-week school thing that the boys attend had one more session before the winter break. Nathan and I took them, dropped off our Christmas gifts to the 14 teachers that the boys have, made sure the boys got to class, and went to see “The Hobbit” together. At the end of the school day, I picked them all up. I chatted with the administrator…just small talk and holiday wishes. We went home.
Shortly after that, I started getting texts and emails from various friends whose kids also attend LEAP, asking if I had any more information about the new lockdown policy. What?! I had no idea what they were talking about.
(Sidenote here to explain that it’s not uncommon for these friends to ask me what’s going on, as the program historically has not done a good job of communicating to parents. I’ve taken my own steps to try to be “in the know” as best I can, so do sometimes have more information than others. Further, let me explain about LEAP…it’s run through the local school district but, in my opinion, is having some identity crisis issues. They haven’t decided if they want to treat it like any other school or not…so, for instance, they don’t supply lunch supervision (we parents step in and do that) or even enough budget for copier paper (again, we parents were asked to bring that in). But, they also now want all volunteers to register and have background checks and have included us in district email lists to get notifications from the superintendent. The location is a church, and classes are spread out between four separate buildings, meaning kids transfer from building to building between classes six times in the course of the day.)
So. After a number of exchanged emails, what I’d sorted out was that, yes, the school had decided to lock all the doors. Without so much as an email or a flyer or an announcement to parents standing outside, they’d started locking all doors…exterior and interior. (To be fair, there was a sign on the door that listed a phone number and said to call it if the door was locked. Honestly, it didn’t indicate it was for LEAP in any way and I assumed it was for the church so hadn’t even taken much notice of it.) Turns out, this meant that some kids ended up locked outside on their own between classes…some kids were instructed that they must immediately relock a classroom door if they left to use the bathroom…and some of our lunch volunteers ended up locked out of the lunch room.
I then, on behalf of the ourselves and six other families, sent an email to the administrator…a woman I’ve known for almost five years now, who’s taught my boys and helped them blossom, whom I like and respect. I explained our concerns about both the policy itself and about the lack of communication. I have yet to receive a reply.
Instead, she sent an email out to all the families stating basically that, yes, there’s a new policy. Some are upset by it and some are supportive of it and that we’d all get used to it. That was it. No explanation about what the actual policy was (whether interior doors would be included, procedures to take during lunch time, etc) and no apology for the lack of communication. No “we’ll have a more detailed explanation ready for you when we start classes back up in January.” No nothing.
Obviously, this was unsatisfactory to me, and I replied to the group stating so. What baffled me was that at least six families immediately replied as well, thanking the program and staff for their steps and stating that it was okay with them not to have been told. One pointed out that since we were dealing with a school district it was unrealistic to expect that we’d have been consulted about the policy. (This, by the way, is phooey. Maybe a public school wouldn’t ask, but they sure as heck would have communicated! I know for a fact that the local school district here in Fort Collins sent out more than half a dozen emails and four reverse-911 information phone calls during that week before break just to keep parents apprised of steps they were taking under an existing policy!) One parent even went so far as to say that she didn’t see why parents would need to be told or would want to be. Are you kidding me?! What the heck?!
So. Now I’m agitated and at a loss. I’m not sure what’s next. I tried very hard to deliberately put this all aside during the holidays, understanding that it’s a break and that administrators deserve a break, too. Frankly, though, I’m hugely disappointed. I worked very hard in my emails to be objective and polite…I pointed out that I’ve been taught to be able to separate a person from their actions and that I hoped that came across (that I can like the administrator and disagree with her action)…I was overt in my thanks to the administrator and staff for their intent and was clear that I trust them with the care of my children and appreciate all that they do.
And, truly, let’s set aside the lockdown policy altogether. I can disagree about how effective it will be and/or whether it’s actually in violation of the fire code since these are old doors without panic bars (such that kids can’t get out in an emergency until someone unlocks the door) and/or what good locking interior doors is going to do at all beyond instilling an atmosphere of fear and imprisonment. I can get into all of that later, hopefully without having to bring in higher powers and point out liability issues and such. I get that we all want to keep the kids safe.
But. What I’m after here is better communication. By keeping me in the dark about something like this, you’re disrespecting my role as the parent. These are MY kids. I have the right and the duty to question. Making me feel badly for doing so is not cool. Keeping them safe will work better if we work together. I can’t work together if I don’t know what’s going on.
(Another sidenote…at the VERY least, don’t you all think that the lunch volunteers who came to supervise the lunch hour should have been told what the new policy was? I’m in charge of those volunteers. I wasn’t asked to tell them anything. None of them were told anything. One got locked out and couldn’t get back in for awhile…stood outside in the cold knocking. Argh! Not telling us in this case not only was disrespectful but also potentially harmful…how can they supervise if they’re locked out?!)
And, so, here’s my problem. I appear to have an administrator who’s ignoring me. (Which, honestly, ticks me off after the years of volunteer service I’ve given this program. I get that being an administrator is hard, especially in light of current events and all, but feel like at least a quick email reply stating that she’d make time to discuss things further with me before classes start back up should have been sent. As I often tell my boys…the longer you go without apologizing, the longer I have to get worked up about it. lol.) Plus, I feel like I’m up against a number of other families who are more focused on keeping their kids “safe” than on being treated with respect here. They can’t seem to see that you can separate whether you agree with the lockdown policy from whether you think we should have been told. For goodness’ sake, it’s been more than two weeks and we STILL haven’t seen a clear declaration of what the policy even is.
I don’t know. I’m having trouble putting my confidence in a program that wouldn’t even think to tell me about something like this and that would then blatantly not tell me about it when I asked for more details...in other families who make up this program who don't see anything wrong with that. But. I also really value what the boys get out of the program…the peer interaction, the experience with teachers other than myself, the classroom dealio, the time away from me…and, more specifically, the free guitar, drumming, bells, and recorder lessons and cooking classes and AmeriTowne class and Spanish classes. Seriously, though, if it weren’t for the fact that the boys love the program, I’d have declared my intent to leave asap. I don’t need this in my life. I deserve to be respected as the parent. I need to know that they “get” that and will try to do better because it’s the right thing to do and not just because I complained a heap.
Sigh. Part of me just wants to make nice and move on. Part of me worries that letting this go will spell trouble down the road. Part of me is just insulted and angry. Bleh. What do you think? What would you do? (Seriously. I'd very much value your thoughts and appreciate if you read all of that!)
Reader Comments (4)
Amanda, I totally get why you're upset at not being told about the change-- the practical implications alone boggle the mind. I have no idea why any parent would ever not want to be told about something like that.
I applaud your effort to remain polite in your communication, but I heard you say you feel disrespected as a parent, and insulted. My husband is my best sounding board in matters like this, and he always urges me to re-write, revise and edit my ocmmunications (both written and verbal!) when I feel that way. I think you already know that including your personal, emotional reaction would do more harm than good, but you might also want to remember that it's not personal. It's not about you (even though, perhaps, it should be). The administration made a thoughtless mistake, and for whatever reason has not seen fit to apologize or correct it, but you can be almost certain that the reason is not you.
So I say, crusade away. Demand to be kept in the loop, explain what you need from them to be informed, to feel safe, to do your volunteer job... just don't personalize it. That's when it will likely go sideways.
There you are-- you may know about me that, while I don't seek out conflict, I'm kind of biologically incapable of not being direct, so I hope you really meant it when you said you wanted honest feedback. :)
Make some noise!!! This is a total communication failure on her part and she needs to fix it ASAP. No self-respecting administrator could get away with this in any school district and when you are in that position, there is no such thing as holiday hours when it comes to the issue of safety concerns and communication matters.
It sounds like the changes were not shared with the kids either, if they were getting locked out. That issue right there would push it all sideways for me... That is borderline unforgiveable for me...there is so much transient foot traffic in that part of town!! (shudder)
Amanda, sounds like you are doing a good job of trying to establish communication, and it sounds like the program is worth sticking with, for the boys, so it's worth pushing for both a short-term and a long-term solution for improved communication between administration and parents. And it seems that you are the perfect person to do the pushing, being already in a position of serving as liaison between parents and administration in other situations. Maybe you can offer to formalize an arrangement to help out in the liaison role. While you express your distress at being out of the loop on this issue, by offering to be a part of the solution, helping to share info with other parents if and when the administrator lets you know about any policy changes, hopefully the administrator will jump at the chance to work with you on this. This issue does sound like it was a knee-jerk reaction rather than a well-thought-out establishment of policy, and hopefully the administration can see that they are creating safety problems while trying to increase safety. It is important for everyone involved that the problem be addressed, so keep pushing!
I would not be pleased with something like that and especially a policy change without notification. It sounds like you handled it well by going directly to the administrator about your concerns. I would probably go higher asking what the district policy is and how it relates to this particular program / building. However, you are correct that it will probably have major implications (I can hear the lawyer in you coming out :) I.e. if they decide because of the lack of panic bars etc the building is not suitable for housing school kids etc you're out a building and possibly a program.
However, it is always best to do the right thing even if it isn't popular. It is always important to do the right thing regardless of the consequences. They are your children and you need to advocate for them.