Please.

I wasn’t going to say anything.

A number of close friends have advised me not to.

But. 

I realized recently that a good part of why I’m feeling so incredibly disappointed/angry/indignant about this election season is because I also feel unable to share that. I don’t think I’m alone.

Seriously. Raise your hand if you’ve ever avoided a conversation because you felt there was simply no point—that you wouldn’t change the other person’s mind regardless, so why bother? Most hands are up, I’d wager. This is particularly true when it comes to politics and religion, right?

And this, friends, is part of the problem. We suffer today from a dearth of civil discourse. Too often, on these topics especially, we are not having conversations and discussions with the intent to enhance understanding but with the goal of convincing others that we are right. And the media has seized upon that goal--fighting to appeal to audiences who are increasingly willing to simply follow…audiences who like feeling that others agree with them.

This is not the world I want for my sons. 

Two of the three of them will be old enough to vote during the next presidential election. When they do, I sincerely hope that movement has been made from where we as a society are today. So, regardless of the outcome of this election, here are three things I’d really love for my fellow Americans to strive toward as we move forward:

1. Be kind.

We teach our children to be respectful, ask them to be kind. Yet, when discussing politics and especially during this particular election season, it seems that people have decided it’s perfectly acceptable to be outright rude and mean-hearted toward the candidates and toward those who support those candidates, especially online (though shockingly in person as well). My general rule is that if you wouldn’t say it to the other person face-to-face, you probably shouldn’t say it online. 

Personally, I feel that this plays a significant part in the negativity right now. It’s similar to all the discussions about violence in the media—the more we see of it, the more acceptable it becomes. We become desensitized. Don’t let the anonymity of social media fool you into thinking that you’re putting any less negativity out into the world through your words. Don’t think that children aren’t listening when you mutter about politics as if there aren’t real people involved. Don’t think that examples of hateful action being justified on behalf of some “better” good goes unnoticed. 

Additionally, regardless of your politics, can we please acknowledge that the United States presidency is a TOUGH job? It deserves your respect.

For those who simply are unkind. Please stop.

2. Be informed.

Just last week, I was doing a writing lesson with the boys about persuasive writing. The first thing the assignment asked them to do was to determine who their audience was. Guess what. Journalists everywhere are doing the same thing. They know who they’re targeting…who they’re trying to persuade. For the love of Mike, people, ask yourself about the bias behind the story. Look for facts and evidence. Weed it out from opinion and the stoking of fear and paranoia. Ask yourself what the writer/speaker is trying to accomplish and stop to think about how that influences what is being said. Look for who benefits from persuading you.

Relatedly, stop for a moment. Sincerely ask yourself about your current view of each candidate and issue. How much of that has been fed over the years by similarly skewed media coverage? Recognize that the media benefits from controversy…the tighter and more sensationalized the better. 

Really listen to those ads and “breaking news” reports. Are they actually saying anything worth your time or are they simply throwing out catchy phrases and promises, manipulating numbers and words to fit their purposes, and trying to grab your attention? Be smart enough to ask questions—ask for the sources, ask for the history and context, ask for more. In this day and age, there’s absolutely no reason you can’t investigate on your own.

(I’m not claiming to fully understand our political system, by the way. Definitely not. But, I have studied it a good bit…for my bachelor’s in political science (with a minor in economics), when getting my law degree, in writing my master’s thesis for my degree in public policy, and as a homeschooler looking to teach my sons. From that, I know that it’s all too easy to manipulate words and numbers and that the legal process takes time. Our government isn’t designed to be quick. It’s designed to require factions to fight it out. It’s not easy. Any ads or stories that try to tell you otherwise aren’t telling you the whole truth.)

Further, try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. We ask this of our kids all the time. If all of your information is coming from a limited point of view or source, it becomes too easy to stop questioning that source. Imagine, then, that you’re supporting the opposite candidate. Click through to the stories being shared in support of that candidate. Read BOTH sides of the issues/allegations/stories. Even if it doesn’t change your mind, you’ll be richer for the additional information. 

Honestly, I’ve been doing this for months now. I’ve definitely wanted to “unfriend” people on Facebook. Instead, though, I have intentionally chosen to continue seeing their posts, aggravating as it was. I’ve routinely clicked through to read the stories they’re sharing. It’s helped me to understand where the other candidate is coming from and what those supporters are looking for. It’s also challenged me to go looking for facts…to see how my own candidate held up to or didn’t hold up to the accusations being thrown. I don’t feel you can consider yourself an informed voter if you’ve only listened to one side and I ask you to not spread misinformation. 

(Incidentally, when you share stories that I then find to be full of holes or purely speculation, my opinion of you is affected. It’s just like telling kids not to spread gossip without verifying the source. And, by verifying, I don’t mean assuming that the known biased source is telling you the truth.)

3. Be open.

Finally, then, after taking the above into account, please--please--be open to changing your mind. In fact, I’d challenge that it’s your duty to do so if the facts lead you to. Taking a hard line based on a single policy issue or because you fear the other party or because you so want your own party to be in power is short sighted and evidence of someone clinging to a way to justify themselves at the expense of others. Look at the bigger picture. 

Whew.

I’ll be honest. I’m still on the fence about posting this. But. If we only talk about politics and religion with like-minded people, how will we as a society ever change? If we assume that people cannot see each other’s point of view, how will we foster meaningful discussion? 

I want that for my sons. I’m asking you to join me.